Reflections in Panama.

I have wandered through this airport and I can't find one book store.Which is a good thing because I need to manage my money spending anyway. I'm getting ready to go back to new york, where I have everything at my grasp and I don't need half of it. I survived on gallo pinto and carne the whole time I was there. I really do need to cook though. I always learn some interesting ways of doing things while I'm on the road. The fruit and yougurt things was great, thanks Natalie. I'm sure it isn't a novel idea or anything, but it is a good one and cheap too. I wonder if its possible to only spend $2 to $5 dollars a day somewhere in the US. What I'm going to have to do is find the next best option. I loved Vermont. I need something that allows me to put all of my attention on school so I can just finish it and be done. Its hard being around people who are doing so many interesting things..some of them I could do right now if I chose. I could teach at one of the many
english schools around the world, I could build houses in Mongolia and stay. I could help the ecology and help preserve the wild in Costa Rica. There are so many things that I could do. But I would simply be cheating myself...I need to finish with school. I'm almost done.

Things are finally starting to make sense though. When I see the people of Nicaragua and how they live, I feel a huge
sense of responsibility to help in any way that is possible. I need to develop my spanish, so that I can help further. I really see myself with the ability to enter in and make a difference, at the end of the day, I am not some rich kid trying to build up his resume. I am a lower middle class person. The son of an immigrant, and I want to make a difference. I never understood why one would work for 7 dollars an hour and appreciate the job.. but you will never know until you SEE. You must see, you must experience, you must walk their streets, you must see the poverty to understand. I don't want to get into the causes. I want to help. So, I'll continue to make a differnce. I'm going to continue to donate to La Esperanza Granada, and as much as I can I will be bringing the school supplies myself, and continue to build my knowledge base. I think I did ok with my spanish speaking abilities this time, but there is always room for improvement. And as I discussed with my friend this week, if you aren't willing to climb into the culture in every aspect, languages and all, you will never gain the trust of the people. And with out their trust you can't help.

But back to the bookstore issue. I seriously don't understand why there is no bookstore here...curses.

If it's yellow, let it mellow...

Hmm. It took me a little while to get used to this. There is currently a serious water shortage in most of Nicaragua, so this is the theme. If it's just plain pee leave it be, it's in round and brown, flush it down. It saves alot of water actually, if you think of how much you usually pee during the day. It makes your bathroom smell a little bit rank, but is a bathroom supposed to smell pretty? Seriously, it's a good idea.

The dogs. Ok so there is a ton of stray dogs here. But not stray like in the states, if you see a stray dog in the streets, everyone goes running away, or throws things at it..or worse. Here they are just another part of the community. They kind of laze around during the middle of the day and run about at night, barking at each other, sitting next to people looking for scraps of whatever they can get. Some of them are just plain dangerous looking, you kind of cross the street slowly when you see those, but most don't even pay attention to you and some are even really nice looking. I saw one today that I wanted to put in my bag.

One of the great things about this place is that I fit in, at least on first appearance more than any other place I have ever been. Except for the tattoo's.

Further to come.

Morning

I woke up this morning to howler monkeys and parrots. There is this one parrot right out side of my window that was sort of like an alarm clock. Its 0754 AM in Nicaragua, I think thats about 2 hrs ahead of the time in the states. People are outside preparing for work and I am typing this blog because I dont have any work to go to in this country.

I'm getting used to a lot of things here. An eye-opening experience only begins to describe the type of privledge that I feel here. I have so much, and I never really realized it, until I came here around a people that have so little. Central America is basically a pretty poor place, to american standards anyway. I mean in your metropolitian areas, they put on a good face so that it looks to outsiders like things are under control, but if you look beyond the glitz, there are alot of people that are struggling.

I had a conversation on Monday in Panama with a bus driver. He told me that he makes about $450 USD a month off of his bus driving salary, and that his rent was $300 USD a month. That kind of disparity is common he said. He needs to do all sorts of other side work, taxi'ing and the like, just to get by. He said "How do I save?" Hew basically said that that was not an option for him, it was work or starve. He had no choice. Just thinking to my self how much money we waste as americans almost broke me. I waste money on so much useless nonsense. Food, going out, music..luxuries it seems when compared with the options that alot of people have here.

It should be said that he wasn't despondent or lamenting his situation , he was just stating facts, and answers to the questions that I asked. Nothing more. I have and continue to have an intense desire to help improve the lives of people, if only to a small extent, and that desire is being strengthened by my time here. I see why it's important for me to leave the current line of work that I am in. If work is not fuffilling you have no business being in it.

See, I have that option and responsibility as a citizen of the united states, while things can be kind of rough financially sometimes, I have been blessed with so many more resources at my hands and so much more time to help than I had originally thought. I will formulate a plan while I am here, and I WILL put it into action as soon as I return. The goal should always be to show compassion. If I don't, who will?

As I said before, there are alot of things that take getting used to..for one the heat. It's actually pleasant in this season. I think this might be the end of invierno , or winter. So things are still pretty mellow. The temperature has been averaging out at about 31 C everyday (Thats about the low end of the 90's on the Farenheit scale) but the humidity is nominal. The heat is nice though especially knowing that where I live in the states, its about freezing right now. Clothing has not been an issue either, since I am not working, I have no real need to change my clothes everyday. Even if I was working, depending on what I was doing, I might not even have to change my clothes everyday. I've just had on the same pair of camo shorts and brown shirt since i've arrived. I could use a shave I'm sure, but I'm not worried about it.

The language hasn't been that, much of an issue either actually. Unlike Asia, I'm not trying to learn a language, it's more like a refresher course for me. I already have a basis in spanish and I understand most if not all of what is said to me, with the exception being people that are talking too fast. I usually just ask them to slow down. It's also interesting that, my notion of color has changed tremendously as well. I didnt realize how much stereotypes I had in me about my own people, and what color people should be based on where they are from. I have seen everything from people that look very anglo to people that are as dark as any native born sub saharan african. And they are all united by Spanish, if not always united in the same world view or belief system. Back to language, I have no doubt that if I was able to stay here longer that I would develop by level of proficiency to full fluency. You just have to, it's not really an option if you want to live here and make it your mission to help people. I have a wealth of knowledge that I must start tapping into when I arrive home. Planning is always exciting, especially when it goes along with your passion.

There is much more, but I am going to a lagoon this morning to swim in an inactive volcano crater. I haven't even gotten to the water shortage, the electricity shortage, my tattoo's and other interesting observations. More later.