Everyday Gets Colder

Words are a tricky thing..

2008-08-12T04:24:00.000-07:00

I'm finding it very difficult to verbalize my experiences in Africa. I wonder if that's normal. It'd be nice to get a second opinion on that.

What I mean is that when people ask me "How was your trip?" I find my self just saying that it was "incredible" or "life changing" or something else that seems to be drab, expressionless and typical. But see that's just it. For probably the first time I really mean those words in their entirety. This trip, this working experience was absolutely incredible. It changed my life. It made me look at things completely differently. And by things I mean EVERY aspect of my life. The last couple of days I've found my self doing things in the house, the normal daily tasks that I do, reading, playing with my dog and throughout these tasks, I've been noticing just how many things I waste. Water, paper towels, plastic bags, electricity. But what's so wonderful and I'm excited even typing this is that for the first time I'm not just saying "Well, I'll try harder next time" , but I'm actually stopping what ever it is that I am doing to waste. Turning off the water while I brush my teeth, bringing my on bag to the store, small things but they mean something to me now. Being concerned about the rise in global warming and changing your life to make a difference is a noble thing. But to be concerned about PEOPLE and how your actions on on side of the world off set peoples lives on the other is how I want to live. Sure, maybe turning the water off isn't going to do much for someone who doesn't have water, but on the same level, conserving electricity lead to me paying less money every month, which will lead to me having more money for travel, which in turn will allow to go back to Africa and DO something for those who need help the most. If it means no a/c for a little while, I can live with that.

I think I should begin by saying that this is going to take me a little while. Decompressing I mean. I don't fully feel that I am in the united states yet. When I arrived at JFK after the 24 hr. long flight, I was having a conversation with one of my colleagues about the feeling that we don't really belong here (the united states). I've done a fair bit of travelling and each time I come back, I feel less and less a part of the ethos and 'beat' of the U.S., and of New York specifically. I think there's a Minor Threat song called 'Out of Step" actually. I should know that, they were one of my favorite bands growing up. But that's besides that point. On arriving in JFK friday and walking down the corridors towards Immigration, I feel less and less like this is my final destination. It's just a feeling of course but impossible to ignore all the same. That probably doesn't make any sense, but I'm just spitting out the thoughts as they go.

I think I left of in my last blog with preparations to leave Namibia, so I'll briefly continue there. We were not able to finish the construction of all of the houses we wanted to build. We had wanted to build houses for 20 San families and we finished about 16. The whole job was beset by problems. But that wasn't a deterrent. If anything it showed just how similar things are. I mean in the U.S. you will always have problem on a job site. The problems we were experiencing were simply relative to the area that we were working in. Electricity was a constant problem. Due mostly to the fact that we were working in the bush. we were powered my a single generator, which meant that certain jobs could only be done one at a time. We coped with this by doing the majority of our jobs manually. In fact the only machine driven jobs were roofing, and concrete mixing. Well, i should say that concrete mixing started out as machine driven and soon turned in to manual. the mixing machine gave out on us about 2/3 of the way into the job. Which lead to mixing the concrete with spades (Note: I've chosen to use the local terms for machinery and tools to save time and point out differences in construction colloquialisms. A spade is a shovel). No easy task, especially given that the winter in Namibia is decieving. The day would usually start out pretty cold and warm up fairly quickly. This was ok, however, everyday at about 14:00, flies would appear out of no where. Not the type of flies that just move away with a swat, but the type that crawl on your face and fly around your ears incessantly. But it was great to engage the mind and see how we could work around these. In fact that was one of the most interesting aspects of this experience. How to work with what you have when you have nothing else. There were times when we simply had no water because the town had shut of water for construction or modification to the main. This happened several times during construction. And it was very frustrating for the head foreman, Mwrarii. Understandably so, this project was very personal to him. The town that we were working in, Eenhanna is in Northern Namibia and Mwrarii had fought on the side of SWAPO (South West African Peoples Organization, a resistance group) in that very town during Namibia's independence struggle. Specifically in the aspect of guerilla warfare. I was able to work very closely with him during the construction and he told me that there was once nothing in the town but military bases and several large battles were fought on the very ground that we stood on...

On this thought, I will continue later.

Back again..

2008-07-19T14:09:00.000-07:00

Back in Windhoek again. No proper grammer again, I'm tired..but i want to get this blog out. Alot has happened in the last 2 weeks...alot. Man, I can't explain how intriging africa is. Namibia especially. I've been doing alot of construction and infrastructure work here and it is just insane to note how new of a country this is. I suppose that the people here have wanted to make ths an independant country for some time now, but to hear the stories from former soldiers here is incredible. Just the depth of how personal their country is to them is completly foreign to me. I love my country as well, even through all of the mistakes and miscalculations we make as a people I love it but I will never know how it feels to fight a battle in a field that later becomes a town you live in. I will never know how it feels to stand and cry when the national anthem is sung...I have seen these things and it is absolutly incredible.

So I'm here now trying to download my thoughts from the first half of this job. It's going to take a while. I think I need to have some more dialog with people before I am able to talk about what I have seen and experienced. The absolute poverty and hopelesness of the people that I have worked with is something that I cannot fathom. I have tried to understand why a pair of shoes would be so important to someone and why they would cry over recieving clothing. I just don't understand it.

But, I've decided that I want to continue to do work here. As much as possible and as often as possible. Not that I am some american knight in shining armor here to save the people from themselves. Not that at all. I just want to help, with my own hands, in the most relevant and sustainable way possible. Thats all I want to do.

The U.S. ambassador was at the closing ceremony on friday and I was completly surprised and honored that she brought me a gift. It was a packet of information regarding the Foreign Service test that she thought I might find useful. I was blown away. To think that some one is such a position of power and authority would remember a conversation and bring me information that I had not even aked for was incredible.

I'm going to stop this entry here and process my thoughts a bit more. I still have much to write about my time in Namibia and I will definatly return to it. I have an afternoon flight to South Africa tommorrow for some more work and I am excited and ready for the new challanges that I will get there.

This trip is really just a whole lot of "Wow". More on that later...

The real thing..

2008-07-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

So we have finally arrived in namibia..I'm not going to shoot for proper pronunciation or grammer in this text, I only have a few minutes at this internet booth. The time seems to count down quickly on this internet connection.

Anyhow, we arrived yesterday. When we were flying over South Africa, the ladscape was beautiful. Alot of open and vast spaces. Cities aren't as prevelant and there was lots of sand and brush. I love that sort of setting. When we flew in to Namibian airspace the change in topography was immediatly apparent. I started to see more red clay, and mountains and the sorts of things that you expect to see when you think of africa. I can't get over how big the sky is here. It's so difficult to describe, but out in the bush you can see for miles...the sky is extremely blue and cloudless. This might have something to do with the fact that it is winter. No rain in sight for miles. The sky is absolutly incredible.

We landed about 30 km. from Windhoek (the capital) because the mountains are too large and random to land closer to the city. The drive from the airport to our lodging was about 45 min, although it seemed longer because we got held up in the airport. There was a minor problem at immigration with our visa's. As I am learning I need to be extremely flexible here. Things just tend to move differently. In any event, on the way to our lodging, it was interesting to see gazelles and other animals on the roads.

Today we actually had a meeting with USAID, UNESCO and the U.S ambassador to Namibia. I'm, glad I had on some clean clothes because I was seated right next to the ambassador. I had no idea I was going to sit next to her until I was seated according to the chart. A wonderful woman, we had a really good conversation about issues that affect the Namibian population. I was amazed to hear that out of a population of 2 million, 20% is known to have AIDS or HIV. That is a staggering number and it truly is of epic proportions. I also had a conversation with the Minister of Gender Issues and Education, she was also seated next to me and we discussed how this rate of infection is affecting the teachers as well. As they are not immune to the virus, the more teachers that die the less kids that can be taught in this new country. New is relative, the country has been in existence for 18 years. So many problems are affecting this country, and I believe I will be back here to do as much work as I can in the future.

Today has been an eventful day, it's not often you have dinner with an ambassador and other governmental officials...especially me.

We drive to northern Namibia tommorrow, we'll be leaving at 6am, and we arrive at about 5 or 6 pm. It's a long drive.

We also officially start work in the field the day after that, up until now our time has been spent in meetings.

I probably won't have a chance to update this blog when I get up there, we'll see what the internet connection looks like when I get up there. Until then..

Getting used to the time change..

2008-06-25T04:20:00.000-07:00

I slept well last night actually, alot less pain and I am starting to get used to the time change. It's not that bad, NY is 6 hrs. behind. I woke up and my lip was killing me again, but it's to be expected..nothing a few advil cant kill. The good thing is that I was able to eat different kinds of food today and I didn't have to cut it up to crazy small pieces. The last few days I have felt as if I was cutting for a baby. The meals in the morning have been great...really good fruits and meats. The best breakfast I have had in a while. We sat outside and talked for a long while, everything from John Mccain to the enviornment. It's really nice to sit and talk with a small group of people that are so diverse. By the way it's considered to be winter time here in SA but it's really nice outside, I mean winter is like 67 or so during the day and 40 at night. It feels like October in the states. And the sky...there is nothing like it. It is so blue and big, there's hardly any smog here and the air just smells and tastes so much better.

Yesterday, we were waiting in the our lodgings lobby area and I had to use the bathroom, so I went naturally. Now my face looks pretty crazy still, like I got dragged by a truck..and though it is healing nicely, it still draws some sympathetic stares..There was one african gentleman in the bathroom and he asked me what happened to my face. I explained how my stupidity and laziness lead to me not changing something that could have been easily changed and therefore I fell off my bike and he seemed genuinely sad that i was in such bad shape. We talked for a moment more and I said, "But that's ok because I am just glad to be in Africa." His face lit up and he said, "Is this your first time in Africa?" to which I replied yes. He then smiled larger and said "Welcome Brother."

Wow...

Johannesburg...

2008-06-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

We landed yesterday after 18 hrs in the air. It felt more like 25 hrs because of the time zone changes and what not. Yesterday kind of felt like one long long day. I slept really well last night which was good because yesterday I wasn't able to get too much sleep on the plane. On account of a smashed face and all. More about that one later. But it was painful flying. I got doctors permission and everything. But they did say it was going to be painful. We made it though and it's nice. Africa. It's like a whole lot of wow, because alot of it is just not what I expected. We are headed to Nelson Mandela square tonight to go each dinner and hang out. The youth haven't arrived yet, we're just having meetings and getting to know each other, and we are doing that really well, the other members of the team are are really good, experienced and generally nice people...

We're starting to get ready to go. So I'll write more later.

Reflections in Panama.

2008-03-25T20:29:00.000-07:00

I have wandered through this airport and I can't find one book store.Which is a good thing because I need to manage my money spending anyway. I'm getting ready to go back to new york, where I have everything at my grasp and I don't need half of it. I survived on gallo pinto and carne the whole time I was there. I really do need to cook though. I always learn some interesting ways of doing things while I'm on the road. The fruit and yougurt things was great, thanks Natalie. I'm sure it isn't a novel idea or anything, but it is a good one and cheap too. I wonder if its possible to only spend $2 to $5 dollars a day somewhere in the US. What I'm going to have to do is find the next best option. I loved Vermont. I need something that allows me to put all of my attention on school so I can just finish it and be done. Its hard being around people who are doing so many interesting things..some of them I could do right now if I chose. I could teach at one of the many
english schools around the world, I could build houses in Mongolia and stay. I could help the ecology and help preserve the wild in Costa Rica. There are so many things that I could do. But I would simply be cheating myself...I need to finish with school. I'm almost done.

Things are finally starting to make sense though. When I see the people of Nicaragua and how they live, I feel a huge
sense of responsibility to help in any way that is possible. I need to develop my spanish, so that I can help further. I really see myself with the ability to enter in and make a difference, at the end of the day, I am not some rich kid trying to build up his resume. I am a lower middle class person. The son of an immigrant, and I want to make a difference. I never understood why one would work for 7 dollars an hour and appreciate the job.. but you will never know until you SEE. You must see, you must experience, you must walk their streets, you must see the poverty to understand. I don't want to get into the causes. I want to help. So, I'll continue to make a differnce. I'm going to continue to donate to La Esperanza Granada, and as much as I can I will be bringing the school supplies myself, and continue to build my knowledge base. I think I did ok with my spanish speaking abilities this time, but there is always room for improvement. And as I discussed with my friend this week, if you aren't willing to climb into the culture in every aspect, languages and all, you will never gain the trust of the people. And with out their trust you can't help.

But back to the bookstore issue. I seriously don't understand why there is no bookstore here...curses.

If it's yellow, let it mellow...

2008-03-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

Hmm. It took me a little while to get used to this. There is currently a serious water shortage in most of Nicaragua, so this is the theme. If it's just plain pee leave it be, it's in round and brown, flush it down. It saves alot of water actually, if you think of how much you usually pee during the day. It makes your bathroom smell a little bit rank, but is a bathroom supposed to smell pretty? Seriously, it's a good idea.

The dogs. Ok so there is a ton of stray dogs here. But not stray like in the states, if you see a stray dog in the streets, everyone goes running away, or throws things at it..or worse. Here they are just another part of the community. They kind of laze around during the middle of the day and run about at night, barking at each other, sitting next to people looking for scraps of whatever they can get. Some of them are just plain dangerous looking, you kind of cross the street slowly when you see those, but most don't even pay attention to you and some are even really nice looking. I saw one today that I wanted to put in my bag.

One of the great things about this place is that I fit in, at least on first appearance more than any other place I have ever been. Except for the tattoo's.

Further to come.

Morning

2008-03-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to howler monkeys and parrots. There is this one parrot right out side of my window that was sort of like an alarm clock. Its 0754 AM in Nicaragua, I think thats about 2 hrs ahead of the time in the states. People are outside preparing for work and I am typing this blog because I dont have any work to go to in this country.

I'm getting used to a lot of things here. An eye-opening experience only begins to describe the type of privledge that I feel here. I have so much, and I never really realized it, until I came here around a people that have so little. Central America is basically a pretty poor place, to american standards anyway. I mean in your metropolitian areas, they put on a good face so that it looks to outsiders like things are under control, but if you look beyond the glitz, there are alot of people that are struggling.

I had a conversation on Monday in Panama with a bus driver. He told me that he makes about $450 USD a month off of his bus driving salary, and that his rent was $300 USD a month. That kind of disparity is common he said. He needs to do all sorts of other side work, taxi'ing and the like, just to get by. He said "How do I save?" Hew basically said that that was not an option for him, it was work or starve. He had no choice. Just thinking to my self how much money we waste as americans almost broke me. I waste money on so much useless nonsense. Food, going out, music..luxuries it seems when compared with the options that alot of people have here.

It should be said that he wasn't despondent or lamenting his situation , he was just stating facts, and answers to the questions that I asked. Nothing more. I have and continue to have an intense desire to help improve the lives of people, if only to a small extent, and that desire is being strengthened by my time here. I see why it's important for me to leave the current line of work that I am in. If work is not fuffilling you have no business being in it.

See, I have that option and responsibility as a citizen of the united states, while things can be kind of rough financially sometimes, I have been blessed with so many more resources at my hands and so much more time to help than I had originally thought. I will formulate a plan while I am here, and I WILL put it into action as soon as I return. The goal should always be to show compassion. If I don't, who will?

As I said before, there are alot of things that take getting used to..for one the heat. It's actually pleasant in this season. I think this might be the end of invierno , or winter. So things are still pretty mellow. The temperature has been averaging out at about 31 C everyday (Thats about the low end of the 90's on the Farenheit scale) but the humidity is nominal. The heat is nice though especially knowing that where I live in the states, its about freezing right now. Clothing has not been an issue either, since I am not working, I have no real need to change my clothes everyday. Even if I was working, depending on what I was doing, I might not even have to change my clothes everyday. I've just had on the same pair of camo shorts and brown shirt since i've arrived. I could use a shave I'm sure, but I'm not worried about it.

The language hasn't been that, much of an issue either actually. Unlike Asia, I'm not trying to learn a language, it's more like a refresher course for me. I already have a basis in spanish and I understand most if not all of what is said to me, with the exception being people that are talking too fast. I usually just ask them to slow down. It's also interesting that, my notion of color has changed tremendously as well. I didnt realize how much stereotypes I had in me about my own people, and what color people should be based on where they are from. I have seen everything from people that look very anglo to people that are as dark as any native born sub saharan african. And they are all united by Spanish, if not always united in the same world view or belief system. Back to language, I have no doubt that if I was able to stay here longer that I would develop by level of proficiency to full fluency. You just have to, it's not really an option if you want to live here and make it your mission to help people. I have a wealth of knowledge that I must start tapping into when I arrive home. Planning is always exciting, especially when it goes along with your passion.

There is much more, but I am going to a lagoon this morning to swim in an inactive volcano crater. I haven't even gotten to the water shortage, the electricity shortage, my tattoo's and other interesting observations. More later.

The Mundane

2008-02-16T07:15:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, as I was walking across and outdoor train platform in Brooklyn, I noticed the early evening sky. I was looking at it and I jus noticed how awesome it looked, how big...and I wondered why I had never taken the time to look at it before. It made me feel really good and free to look at it and I started to feel that itch in my feet again. To go back to Tokyo and see the sun set there. I realized that I had never seen the sun set in Japan. That land of the rising sun..haha. I guess I was so caught up in the moving pulse that is Tokyo that I never looked up. That's something, to be so caught up that you stay in a sort of automated state all of the time.

Snow is on the way

2008-01-12T07:48:00.000-08:00

I'm looking for some free money. For school. I think my intentions are honorable. I just can't figure out why no one will just hand me a check. Seriously speaking, I need some more money for school. Private colleges are ridiculously expensive, I don't even want to think about how much books are going to cost me. I have 6 classes this semester. It's good though, it will keep me busy and it will help me finish faster.

One more year.

I'm trying to decide if I should do a summer study somewhere. I mean outside of the country. If I did that, I wouldn't be able to to work. But, I don't really mind too much about that anymore. I'm not sure though, I mean if I take classes during summer, I'll be able to finish even faster.

Raining in Gotham

2008-01-11T03:35:00.000-08:00

It's about 630 am and I'm sitting here having coffee with my dog and listening to the BBC World Service about the death of Edmund Hillary. I remember reading about him when I was younger. In pictures he always looked so accomplished, so intrepid. I don't know, maybe all explorers naturally look like that. I always wanted to be an explorer when I was younger. How do you do that, really? I mean do you wake up in the morning and start packing and call together a team? I suppose you'd have to get funding from a rich, risk taking investor. Anyway, as I was listening to the story of Mr. Hillary, I was browsing the CNN website, what trash that site is. It's hard to get non-inflected news sources these days. It's almost as if you can't see the news your self, maybe it hasn't happened or they are lying to you. But one story I did see that made me extremely upset was the beating death of the Chinese blogger 2 days ago, I believe it was.

His name was Wei Wenhua, and this happened in the central Chinese province of Hubei. I think its important to actually name people so that their death is not in vain. He was beaten by "municipal workers" for filming them overstepping their authority. The disturbing side of this story is that it was not simply 2 or 3 men that beat him, but as many as 50 workers attacked him fo 5 minutes. Words don't express the outrage I felt when I heard about this. As well as the concern that this could happen here eventually. Who knows who your words might offend? In any event, the death of Wei Wenhua has not gone unnoticed to me..

It's funny.

2008-01-10T10:43:00.000-08:00

I didn't realize just how much time school took up in my life until this winterim. I've been hanging out with friends that I haven't seen in months...getting a ton of work done for the label..even writing a blog. It's strange though, because it feels as though something is missing. I dont't really want to go back this semester, I mean back to all of the work. But I do want to go back to keep myself busy. I think the main thing is, I've learned that I love learning. A strange sounding phrase, but I do. I love engaging my mind in something, anything. When I was younger, I used to sit at the kitchen table and read anything that was at the table. The ingredients of the cereal, my mothers mail..everything. There is just something that needs to stay active in my mind..something that needs to be mulling things over or figuring out a problem. I just need to be active. It's a wonderful thing when you learn more and more about your self. It makes things just a little bit easier.

Yesterday, my friend Rotem and I walked around the lower east side, with no purpose really. I was killing time and she's here from Israel for 5 months so she has nothing to do anyway. But the point is, we just walked. I've forgotten what an awe inspiring city New York is. I spent so much time, especially this year, either outside of this country or trying to get out of it, that I've really forgotten how nice it is just to walk around the city. More later...